Everyone else seems to have somewhere to be. The office party, the family dinner, the group chat full of plans. And you’re home, scrolling, wondering why this time of year feels so heavy.
If that’s you, you’re in good company, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
Why the holidays hit men hard
Loneliness among men is real and it’s growing. In AARP’s 2025 survey of adults 45 and older, 42% of men said they feel lonely, compared with 37% of women. Among divorced and separated adults, it was 47%.
Part of it is how many of us were raised. Men often have plenty of people around but few we actually talk to. In a national survey by the Survey Center on American Life, only 30% of men had shared their personal feelings with a friend in the past week, compared with 48% of women. Just 21% of men had received emotional support from a friend.
Then the holidays arrive and turn up the volume. Maybe it’s your first season after a divorce, or your kids are with their mom this year. Maybe a parent is gone, or getting older. Maybe work was your main social life, and the office just went quiet. The calendar insists you should feel close to people, and the gap between that and your real life can feel huge.
Signs it’s more than a rough week
- You’re dreading the next few weeks, not just one day
- You’re drinking more, or more often, to get through the evenings
- You’re sleeping badly, or sleeping too much
- You’ve stopped reaching out because it feels pointless
- Irritability or numbness has replaced the usual ups and downs
Five things that actually help
1. Make one plan before the holiday arrives. Don’t wait to see how you feel. Book a breakfast, a game, a walk along the lakefront in Evanston. One fixed thing on the calendar changes the shape of the day.
2. Reach out first, and keep it simple. “Hey, want to grab a coffee Saturday?” is enough. Most guys are waiting for someone else to make the first move.
3. Build your own tradition. Volunteer a morning, cook something your dad used to make, go to a movie solo. Ownership beats waiting for an invitation.
4. Go easy on the alcohol. It numbs the evening and makes the next morning lonelier. If you’re noticing a pattern, that’s worth paying attention to.
5. Talk to someone who gets it. Loneliness isn’t a character flaw. It’s a signal that something you need is missing, and therapy is a straightforward place to figure out what.
Talking with a therapist for men in Evanston and Skokie
At Therapy for Dudes, I work with men on exactly this: divorce, distance from family, burnout, and the quiet isolation that tends to show up in midlife. Sessions are in person at my Skokie office, near Evanston, or online anywhere in Illinois. Most major insurance is accepted.
If this season feels heavier than it should, let’s talk. Book online or call 224-420-2704.
If you’re in crisis or thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, any time.
Christopher Holloway, MA, LCPC
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